


Wildest Dreams

by TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: (pls forgive), AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, TOP's an asshole, a bunch of it, at some point, bisexual!T.O.P, but then the ending is just bleh, i think i'm done tagging, im sorry, oh and camping, oh right i forgot, okay, okay i think we're good now, p.s. im bad at tagging, poor jiyong, this started out great, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4967425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS/pseuds/TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong loves Seunghyun with all his heart.</p><p>He's just not sure if Seunghyun feels the same</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wildest Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> okay so I wrote this while I was listening to Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift (that song made me cry about the first 4 or five listens) and I thought of the story because of the song, so... yeah.  
> Also, this is un-beta'd and TOP's an asshole, just so you know.

Jiyong had always found Seunghyun handsome.

When they were children, the handsome man (he had been a boy then) had always fascinated him with his seemingly endless confidence and a smile that could get him out of any kind of trouble. It was something he had always noticed. The way Seunghyun could smile, and suddenly everything would be alright.

Jiyong learned to love and hate that smile.

When they were in their late teens and early twenties, Seunghyun had been the heartbreaker of many, both male and female. Jiyong had been with him the whole time, watching from the shadows, wishing it were himself that caught the fancy of the elder male. The way his lovers would drape themselves across Seunghyun like he was a bed and they were the sheets made him so angry that he didn’t know what to do with himself. But soon, Seunghyun would go to another, whether by cheating or not, and the lover would be left in the cold, because when Seunghyun left your life, it was as if a tornado had ripped it’s way through your soul, because everything about him was so wonderful, yet so terrifying.

Jiyong became used to that feeling.

Jiyong remembered feeling a sense of triumph that he was not proud of when this would happen. Sure, Seunghyun had lovers, but Jiyong was always there. Jiyong would always be there for Seunghyun, and he thought it was vice versa as well.

But he was wrong.

Soon, Seunghyun’s parents began to pressure him to get married, and out of all people, he chose Jiyong. The latter hadn’t known what to do with himself the moment he found out. He’d told his family, friends, anyone who would listen that he was marrying Choi Seunghyun. The marriage came, and for a few weeks, everything was happy. Jiyong stayed at home and ran the house, ordering the servants about and interacting with them in a friendly manner, while Seunghyun prepared to take over his family business.

But then it happened.

It was the day after Seunghyun’s father passed the company to him and his sister, Hyeyoon. Jiyong had gone and bought groceries with the help of their head butler Seungri so that the servants could cook a meal to celebrate for what Seunghyun had been preparing months for: Becoming the co-ceo of the family business.

However, when Jiyong arrived, he noticed that the house was almost deserted, save for one servant who came hurrying to him, frantic. “Sir, you must not go any further,” they pleaded.

Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Please sir, you will be hurt. Please don’t go up there sir, it will hurt you beyond belief.”

Upon hearing this, Jiyong knew he had to go up there. He pushed past the servant and ran up stairs, wondering what it was that could hurt him. When he flung his bedroom door open, he found that the servant had been right. What he saw did hurt him.

He had walked in on Seunghyun making love to another being. Another person. In short, someone that wasn’t him.

Seunghyun looked up lazily from the woman he was kissing and smiled at Jiyong, almost serene. “Hello Jiyong,” he greeted cheerily as Jiyong stood rooted to the spot, in shock. “Excuse me,” he said to the woman and got up from the bed, getting a towel from the chair at the side of their bed. He looked back up at his husband. “How are you, sweetheart?”

Jiyong took a step back as his husband advanced. He shook his head, but Seunghyun kept approaching, not slowing down at all. “Is there something wrong?” he said, knowingly. Seunghyun knew exactly what he was doing. He knew exactly how Jiyong was feeling. But still, he acted as if it were nothing. As if sleeping with another person was completely fine, and that Jiyong shouldn’t have a problem with it.

The thing was, Jiyong did.

He ran from Seunghyun, almost flew downstairs, and threw open the door and ran out, needing to get away from him. From Seunghyun.

When he looked back, he saw Seunghyun standing there, at the door, smiling like an angel.

They both knew he was no angel.

~~~

Seunghyun had expected Jiyong to stay away for maybe a day or two. That was natural. But when he didn’t come back for a week, Seunghyun began to worry.

What if Jiyong decided to never come back? What if he decided that he didn’t want to be with Seunghyun anymore? The latter couldn’t let this happen. On the 8th day of Jiyong disappearance, he came back, his face tear stained.

“I came to get my stuff,” he mumbled as he looked down, avoiding Seunghyun’s intense gaze.

Seunghyun laughed, masking the nervousness that was forming inside him. “You can’t leave,” he said, trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Jiyong. “It was a mistake,” he lied. Of course it hadn’t been a mistake. What had been a mistake was Jiyong finding out. He hadn’t anticipated for the younger man to come back so soon from shopping with the butler.

Jiyong didn’t look sure. “I- I think we should take a break,” he began to walk around Seunghyun, trying to get to their closet without making physical contact with him.

Seunghyun walked swiftly to their closet, standing directly in front of Jiyong, blocking his way. he leaned into the shorter man’s space, their faces a few inches away. “I think seven days has been enough,” he whispered close to the latter’s ear. “Don’t you?” Before Jiyong could answer, he hugged the younger man around the waist, burying his head into the crook of Jiyong’s neck. “Please stay,” he whispered, as he began to kiss the soft skin on Jiyong’s neck. “I promise it won’t happen again.”

Jiyong slowly fell into Seunghyun, murmuring a soft “Okay,” against his chest. Seunghyun smiled.

He had Jiyong in his grasp once again.

~~~

Jiyong had promised himself after the first time Seunghyun had cheated that he would leave that next time. But then it happened a second time. Then a third time. Then a fourth time. Then a fifth time. Jiyong was still there.

It had been three years since it first happened. And countless times, Seunghyun had broken his promise. And at some point during those three years, Seunghyun began to resort to physical abuse to get Jiyong to stay. And stay he did. Where else would he go? His family had been glad to get rid of him when he married Seunghyun, and he didn’t have any friends to move in with. For all the time he had been alive, his life had revolved around Seunghyun. He had once thought Seunghyun was a faultless creature who was amazing in every aspect. He knew now that he was wrong.

But still, Jiyong found he was well off. He didn’t have to fight for the place of spouse by Seunghyun. He knew that. No matter what, he would always be the spouse of Choi Seunghyun. And Seunghyun would never let him go. Even if he wanted to be let go, Seunghyun would always find a way to keep him by his side.

Sometimes Jiyong wondered why Seunghyun kept him around. The man slept more with his lovers than he ever did with Jiyong, and he almost never saw the elder. But if Jiyong so much as uttered a word about getting a divorce, or seeing a marriage counselor or anything of the like, Seunghyun would overreact and “accidently” hurt Jiyong (he once threw a glass vase at the man for even mentioning that they go their separate ways). And then seconds later, he would beg for forgiveness, and Jiyong would, because although he endured much physical pain and emotional suffering, Jiyong still loved him, very very much. And that was the problem. Jiyong loved Seunghyun more than one could ever imagine. He gave everything he had to the older man, and got nothing in return. Jiyong told himself it was fine, but he knew deep in his heart it wasn’t. He wasn’t fine. He was eroding emotionally, and soon, it would kill him to say “I love you” to the elder man, and then hear it said back at him, with no emotions or feeling in the words at all.

Jiyong knew he had to leave. He had to do it soon, before Seunghyun drained him of all he had.

~~~

Jiyong had been avoiding Seunghyun ever since the latter had come back from his trip to France, and Seunghyun didn’t like it. He tried to catch the younger man, but it seemed he was never around. Jiyong’s disappearance set and uneasy feeling in the elder man, and soon he began to ask his servants to follow Jiyong around and tell him of his activities. They reported almost normal occurrences, where Jiyong would go into the coffee shop downtown for an hour, and then come out, a slight smile on his face. This was perfectly normal, except for the fact that Seunghyun knew that Jiyong hated almost everything about coffee. The next time Jiyong went out, Seunghyun followed him.

Jiyong whistled his way down to the coffee shop, extremely happy, from what Seunghyun could see. The elder seethed, wondering who it was who could bring his Jiyong such happiness. He immediately didn’t like the person, whether they were meeting Jiyong for completely innocent reasons, or something that resembled what Seunghyun had been doing for most of his marriage with Jiyong.

Seunghyun followed Jiyong into the large coffee shop, following him with his gaze as he found a place to hide (which was, strangely enough, behind a fern plant). He watched Jiyong take a seat at a table where a younger man was already sitting. This was going to a place that Seunghyun didn’t like, but he waited. From where he was, he could hear almost everything Jiyong and the man were saying. What he heard was something he was not prepared for.

“Youngbae, I think Seunghyun and I should get divorced.”

Seunghyun felt a stab of pain go through him, his heat rate going up. Jiyong wanted a divorce? Well, he had every reason to, but Seunghyun had always thought Jiyong would forgive him, and that Jiyong would still love him, even after all he’d done. Jiyong had been a constant in Seunghyun’s life, from when they were small children to this day. He couldn’t let Jiyong divorce him. He wouldn’t let Jiyong divorce him.

The man named Youngbae began to speak. “Are you sure? You guys have been together for a while, you know...”

Jiyong shook his head. “I can’t continue to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t love me. If he did love me, he wouldn’t be doing all the stupid shit he’s been doing for the past few years, like never being home and sleeping with everything that breathes, and I guess I am dead to him, because he never seems to want to be with or even get sexually close to. I feel like I'm still in the friend zone stage, and he’s just running around doing what he wants. I don’t even understand why he wanted to marry me in the first place.”

Seunghyun’s mouth hung open, shocked but Jiyong’s revelation. He couldn’t believe that his husband had always thought like this. He was always quiet and always kept to himself, but today he spoke with such vigor and confidence and happiness that Seunghyun wanted to rip off Youngbae’s head. He was jealous that Jiyong had opened up about his feelings to some stranger and not him.

‘But then again,’ his thought raced. ‘You never gave him a reason to trust you with his feelings, starting with the fact that only a few weeks into the marriage you cheated on him,and ending with the fact that you physically abuse him.’

Before he could think anymore, Youngbae shook his head. “No… When you first came to me, you asked me to help you make it work.”

Seunghyun narrowed his eyebrows. So Youngbae was trying to keep them together.

“That was about three months ago,” Jiyong answered, sipping some water. “That was before I just felt like giving up. Youngbae, you were my last resort. I’m done. I’m throwing in the towel. Actually, that’s why I’m here. I came to pay and thank you for your tremendous help, but me and Seunghyun won’t be married anymore…”

Three months? Seunghyun has been on business for those months. Jiyong had been trying to save their marriage while he was out ruining it with who knows what. He didn’t want to throw in the towel. He didn’t want this.

Jiyong smiled at Youngbae, and Seunghyun’s heart squeezed. When was the last time Jiyong had smiled at him?. “I hope we can still be friends. You have my number, you know.”

Seunghyun almost gasped. It was rare that Jiyong gave out his phone number. He didn’t like being in contact with people. The only people he cared to text were Seunghyun and the head of the serving staff at their home. Whoever this Youngbae was, Seunghyun was impressed. And jealous, but very impressed.

Youngbae smiled back at the taller man. “Yes, of course,” he replied. “See you.”

Jiyong left the cafe whistling, hands in his pockets, looking very unconcerned for his future, which Seunghyun found he also did not like.

As Youngbae got up, Seunghyun rose from his place behind the fern. “Hello,” he greeted Youngbae formally, looking down at the shorter man.

Youngbae looked up at Seunghyun, his eyebrows raised. “You must be Seunghyun.”

The taller man looked surprised. “You know-”

“Jiyong gave me and All-Things-Seunghyun presentation, with pictures included, when we had our first meeting.”

“...oh.”

“You know,” Youngbae sat back down, now realizing that this would probably be a long meeting. “Jiyong loves you a lot. Most people wouldn’t have lasted or stayed as faithful as he has, considering his situation. In fact, it would expected and understandable, even, that he either demand a divorce, for cheat on you after at least 6 months.”

Seunghyun sighed. “I don’t want a divorce.”

Youngbae scoffed. “You certainly aren’t acting like it. Please, if I didn’t care about Jiyong, I would’ve punched you and left by now. I don’t understand how you could hurt someone like him, out of all people. He’s kind, he’s sweet, he forgiving, almost too forgiving, and you still treat him like shit. It was the severity of your relationship and the fact that what he deserved from you wasn’t matching up with what he got from you that made me want this marriage to succeed so badly, for him. Honest to God, I wish he wasn’t so deeply in love with you. Then it would be a lot easier for him to do what he’s doing.”

Seunghyun stayed silent for a moment and then rubbed his eyes. “I bet he’s completely fine.”

Youngbae rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Okay, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s been almost twenty three years that you’ve known him, and you’re still terrible at reading him,” he rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Okay. I can guarantee you, that right now, Jiyong has found somewhere to cry for about ten minutes, because he’s the type of person who internalizes all his feelings. If you actually look into his eyes, you could tell exactly how he’s feeling, and the difference between a fake a smile and a real one. I can tell you, this will probably hurt him more than being with you will. And being with you is killing him.”

“I-,” Seunghyun started, but then found that he was at a loss for words. “Help me,” he pleaded.  
“Help me not lose him.”

Youngbae smiled wryly. “Try I will, but it’s you who has to do the work to convince him that you’ve changed, and that you give this relationship your all.”

“I will,” Seunghyun nodded. “I promise.”

Youngbae shook his head. “That’s not a promise for me. That’s a promise for Jiyong.”

~~~

Jiyong walked into the house, sighing. His butler, Seungri, had been trying to keep him from the house all day, and Jiyong was prepared to walk in on another lover. Instead, however, he walked into the house bustling with servants and people Jiyong didn’t recognize.

In the center of it all was Seunghyun pacing in front of a huge tent that took up most of the space in their living room, which was also pretty big. The room was filled with Jiyong’s favorite scents, most of them from his childhood. There was also candles everywhere, which lit up the room in a soft glow that Jiyong loved.

Seunghyun looked up when Jiyong cleared his throat, making his presence known. The elder smiled, his usually calm composure now replaced with a nervous one. “Um, hello Jiyong.”

Jiyong suddenly felt cold. Of course Seunghyun was nervous. None of this was for him… probably for one of Seunghyun’s newer lover’s. “I-,” he started, backing away as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I should probably leave…”

Seunghyun cocked his head to the side, confused. “What? Why?”

Jiyong ran a hand through his hair. “Isn’t this for one of your, ah, you know… lovers?”

Seunghyun shook his head profusely. “No, no, no, not at all,” he came towards Jiyong, taking his hand in his. “This is all for you, Ji,” he said, using a nickname from their childhood.

“Don’t call me that,” Jiyong blushed, but on the inside, he was pleased that Seunghyun took, at least, some interest in him.

“Come on,” Seunghyun pulled him towards the tent. “We’re going indoor camping.”

Jiyong rolled his eyes. “There is no such thing,” he mumbled.

Seunghyun grinned, making Jiyong’s heart squeeze. He loved that grin. “Shh, just go with it.”

Before he could answer, they entered the tent, and Jiyong realized that it was bigger than he anticipated. It contained almost house-like qualities, but with little touches of the camping experience, such as and actual fire in the middle of the room. Jiyong was about to comment on this, but Seunghyun, as if he had read his mind, answered. “Most of the things in here are fireproof, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Oh, okay,” Jiyong nodded as Seunghyun led him towards the fluffy, warm-looking couch thing by the fire. “What are we doing?”

“We’re going to roast marshmallows,” Seunghyun declared.

“Do you even know how to do that?”

“Nope. But you do.”

Jiyong sighed, a slight smile on his face as he sat down on the couch, picking up the marshmallow bag from the floor. Seunghyun cuddled Jiyong close to him as the younger prepared to do some roasting. “Alright, let’s do this.”

The first few tries, Seunghyun burned the marshmallows completely, or didn’t get them warm enough. But soon, after a little bit of quietly watching Jiyong and having him demonstrate it over and over, he finally got the hang of it. Jiyong, although he had been a bit wary at first, enjoyed this time spent with the man he intended to divorce. It was good to have parting memories that made him happy, rather than parting memories that made him want to cry.

At some point, Jiyong had gotten sleepy enough to where he had completely forgotten about the marshmallows and just snuggled into Seunghyun’s taller frame, breathing in the elder’s scent and exhaling happily with each breath. He thought of saying “I love you”, but he was afraid. He knew he shouldn’t, but he didn’t want to hear the words said back to him without love. So he kept quiet.

“I love you,” Seunghyun said suddenly, and Jiyong thought he’d misheard the elder man.

“Excuse me?” Jiyong stared at the him.

“I love you, Jiyong,” he repeated, and then kissed him on the head. “I love you, so much. I know I suck at showing you that I do, but I love you. If there is anything that you can be sure about, it’s that.”

Jiyong, whose mouth hung open, shook his head. “I-”

Seunghyun held his hand up. “Let me finish,” he said softly. “Yesterday… I followed you to your little meeting with Youngbae-”

Jiyong’s eyes widened, surprised and slightly fearful for his safety. His throat suddenly turned dry. “I-”

“I’m not done yet,” Seunghyun interrupted him. “I don’t want a divorce. I don’t. I love you too much to lose you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved… Ever. I don’t want you to leave me… I know I’ve screwed up… a lot. But just, please, give me this one last chance. I promise to you, and this time I’ll keep the promise, that I will be with you and only you for the rest of my life. just give me this one chance,” a tear escaped the corner of Seunghyun’s eye

Jiyong was at a loss for words. “Seunghyun-”

“You know, the first time you ever saw me cry was when I started loving you,” Seunghyun smiled, his expression reminiscent. “It was actually the day my mother found out my father was cheating, ironically,” he laughed, but Jiyong knew he was only hiding pain. “I was eight, and you were seven at the time, I think. My mother and I had just come back from a few errands she had to do around the city, and we had finished early so we could spend time with my father… There he was, in that bedroom… With my teacher. My teacher, the one who was supposed to be guiding me in life, had been fucking my dad for the past 4 months… If you remember, I ran to your house that day, crying. I remember, you held me as I cried my little eight-year-old heart out. You held me and told me you’d never leave me, and that you’d always be with me. You told me you loved me, and I believed you. I loved you for that. I always wanted you around, because I knew, no matter what happened, you would always have my back. You would always love me,” Seunghyun ran a hand through his hair. “I was foolish to think that you would always stick by me, and that you would always forgive me. I guess me cheating on you was just a habit that I formed because of what my dad did. I just assumed that every person I cared about would leave me or find someone better than me one day, and I left them before them could leave me. I’d rather have left them in the cold, than to be left in the cold myself, if you get what i’m trying to say. And somehow, this became a habit, and it happened to you. I was killing you on the inside, and I didn’t care. All that had mattered to me, before, was that you were with me,” he looked up at Jiyong. “I want to change. I promise, I will. Please, Jiyong would you give me a chance?”

The said man stuttered out, “I- I don’t know what to say…”

“Say yes.”

Jiyong didn't know what to say. He wanted to, he really wanted to give him another chance, another try. But he didn't want to be disappointed and even more heartbroken because he'd believed Seunghyun again. He didn't want to have to go through moving his stuff out of the house and getting Seunghyun to sign the divorce papers.

Almost as if he sensed the internal conflict, Seunghyun smiled and patted Jiyong on the arm. "You don't have to answer now, you know," he assured him. "Not if you're not ready,” he coughed slightly. “We can take it slow, if you need us to.”

Jiyong stared at Seunghyun, long and hard. “Are you sure you can do this? Because, I- I don’t want to walk in on another… person.”

Seunghyun nodded vigorously. “I’m sure.”  
“Then yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> .....  
>  I'm sorry if you hated it (because I really hated how it ended so weak but this had been on my writing list for about a month and I wanted to finish it so...) Please critique if you want, and comments are welcome. thanks for reading :)


End file.
